This is Not a Pregnancy Announcement

Dear Loved Ones,

This was supposed to be a pregnancy announcement, but in its place we have some heartbreaking news to share.

Mother's Day 2024

We have been hoping to grow our family, and have faced challenge after challenge in the last year and a half. In early 2023 Megan had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that resulted in the loss of her fallopian tube, fertility, and almost cost her life. Despite huge emotional and physical tolls, this loss brought us closer and strengthened our desire to have a child together.

Holding hands in the hospital during the ectopic

We then started IVF, enduring months of daily injections and dozens of doctors' visits. We've become adept at both subcutaneous and intramuscular injections - it was grueling but manageable with the hope of growing our family.

In January we learned we were pregnant and expecting a baby boy in September. We were thrilled (but also cautiously optimistic) and spoke to him every day and let him know how loved he was and how excited we were to be his parents. We called him Shackleton (aka Shack) after the Antarctic explorer, Ernest Shackleton, whose story of courage in the face of insurmountable odds was an inspiration to us.

Shackleton's first sailing trip

At 14 weeks we were just starting to share our joy when Meg hemorrhaged and was diagnosed with a large subchorionic hematoma - Shack was OK but the pregnancy was now high risk and required extra monitoring and extensive limitations for Meg. We were really scared but felt more hopeful as each week went by and we could see our baby boy growing bigger and stronger.

A glimpse of our boy

We were waiting to share news of our pregnancy until after the 20 week anatomy scan when we were expecting to get more certainty. During that routine appointment we received the shocking news that our sweet baby Shack had kidney and heart defects and was not compatible with this life. We were totally blindsided by his diagnosis, with odds of one in many thousands.

To say that we are shocked and heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe our experience.

We should be posting photos to Instagram of the babymoon we didn’t get to take. But instead, Meg endured a high-risk pregnancy that made even a trip to Costco feel perilous.

We should be sending you an invite to our baby shower and putting the finishing touches on Shackleton's nursery. But instead, we are planning a remembrance and making arrangements with the funeral home.

We should have been able to take comfort in the less than 1% chance of any of these diagnoses. But instead, we are the one in many thousands, several times over.

We should be imagining all the things still to come. But instead, we are mourning the dreams that should have been.

Our son, Shackleton Courage Waters, was born on May 17th and after a few short hours we had to say goodbye. We got to know him as well as we could in our all too brief time together. He was held by his parents and grandparents. He had Luke's long toes and Meg's broad shoulders. He was strong and stubborn like both his parents. He was small but perfect.

Mementos from our memory box

A few thoughts we'd like to share

Many people, like us, don't get the ability to choose whether, how, or when they will have kids. Being pregnant and becoming parents (with an assist from modern medicine!) is a miracle and this is the most brave and difficult thing we have ever done.
We have gotten to see each other as amazing parents to our son. But like us, there are a lot of invisible parents who don't have a take-home baby. Please see us as parents too.
The loss we experienced with the ectopic taught us to cherish every moment we got to spend with Shackleton.

This experience has been life-altering. Losing Shack is taking all of our strength and we don't know what our journey will look like after this.

We sincerely appreciate all your love and support during this very difficult time. People have asked how they can help:

Meet us where we are: We know that this is an uncomfortable topic but Return to Zero has some approachable suggestions for supporting loved ones enduring pregnancy and infant loss https://rtzhope.org/blog/dos-donts-when-supporting-bereaved-families

Send us love: If you want to express support and love for baby Shack, we'd love to receive a note via snailmail that we can read as we feel up to it. Our address is 2409 N 82nd St. Seattle, WA 98103

Feed us: If you want to support us more directly, we are using Westerly Kitchen, a local meal delivery service in Seattle and would appreciate gift cards (https://www.westerlykitchen.com/products/gift-card) Luke's email is [email protected]

Say Goodbye: We are planning to make a donation in Shackleton's honor to the Swedish Foundation for NICU and Pediatrics (https://swedishfoundation.org/our-priorities/nicu-pediatrics), that helped us during the most precious hours for our family, providing the support of a Bereavement Doula and more. We would love it if you joined us in this donation. Luke's Venmo is @Luke-Waters-uw (last 4 of phone 2605)

Love,

Luke and Megan